I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Terrible idea I love it
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
