It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
