smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
