so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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