Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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