Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
