I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I can text with my tongue
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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