Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
