WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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