Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
