Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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