I like to think it a success when the cops are called
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
from now on my penis is your penis
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
