I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
