Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
