he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
