he shaved USA in his pubs
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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