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Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
