Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
