well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
