You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
