i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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