Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
