I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
