I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
