why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
