but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
as a side note pls kill me
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
