Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
