6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Randomize
