Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
