The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
