Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
