i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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