okay pat passed out under dana's car
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
