We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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