yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
