At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i will never coherently bang her
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I have aggressive nipples.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
