WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
