This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
