Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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