Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Randomize
