Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
