wrigley field is MILF paradise
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
