Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
