Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
