Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
