do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I think a kid would responsible me up
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
