Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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