My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
