It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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