They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
