Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
