Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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