____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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