Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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