I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
