My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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