Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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