omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
