JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
