Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
