I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
