so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
pray to the hookup gods
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
