i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
ttyl tear gas
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
