Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
