just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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