i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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